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Saturday, May 28, 2005

 
ineffable, previously hosted at my UCL student account, is now syntaxfree.

Do drop by.

posted by Michelle at 8:11 AM

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

 
Hmmm. If anyone's here wondering why the other site's not available, I think it's just a temporary glitch in the UCL computer matrix. I hope so, anyway. Have no time to try and sort it out because I have an exam tomorrow. In the meantime, here's yesterday's post, for those of you who can't get onto that site.

Update: The UCL site's back in business.

---

It occurred to me that for those who don't know me personally and are wondering what's going on and why I seem so damn depressed all the time these days, I should probably give a more precise explanation of what I'm doing now than the vague references I've been making.

I am doing a Graduate Diploma in Singapore Law at the National University of Singapore. It's a conversion course for people who studied law in England. I'm also studying for exams for the Masters course I was on this past academic year. As can be expected, the overlap between the two courses is somewhat stressful right now.

I feel incredibly tired today. I walked through NUS (National University of Singapore) feeling like a complete alien. Attended the first class for one of my diploma courses, gave a stunningly mediocre performance in a presentation I was required to do, left feeling awkward and self-conscious for the first time in years.

On the way home in the bus there was a TV show (yes, we have TVs in buses) about Singaporean university students at home and abroad. One was a medical student in UCL. I watched as she showed the camera crew around the main quadrangle, through the cloisters, in the library, outside the Union, past so much that was familiar and beloved to me. My insides were churning with envy. I'm not used to having to deal with re-adjustment blues. I lived four years in London without a single pang of homesickness. Now I'm "home" the homesickness is killing me.

I'm sorry about all this whining - it isn't what you come here to read, and it isn't what I put up this site to write. I know I should and can get over this. SuperMichelle can pass the Masters exams. SuperMichelle can combine the Masters exams with the diploma course. SuperMichelle can redeem herself from today's lousy performance in the moot course and make it into one of the international moot teams. SuperMichelle will balance keeping in touch with the people she loves in England (and Ireland), with catching up with the people she loves here, with making new friends in the new course. SuperMichelle will ignore the fact that in Singapore she looks and feels ten times worse than she does in England, because of how the humidity screws up her eyes, hair and skin. SuperMichelle will triumph.

I just have to bloody find where she's hiding.

posted by Michelle at 11:33 AM

Monday, October 14, 2002

 
For anyone who's managed to find their way here in the wake of my previous computer account's demise and subsequent unavailability of that site: ineffable, blog, random rubbish and all, is now hosted here.

Thanks for bearing with me so far, and I promise: no more hopscotch for a good while.

posted by Michelle at 3:16 PM

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

 
Due to the glitchless continuation of my UCL computer account, I don't see a need to maintain the temporary duplication I was doing here. So I'll stop updating this site, but keep writing on ineffable the same way I always have, and do hope you keep reading there. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

posted by Michelle at 1:18 PM

Friday, August 16, 2002

 
Back in London. :) :) :)

Potential transit woes disintegrated when Russ, in his usual Russness, decided that he felt like picking me up from the airport at 6.30 am, driving me across London and hefting my very heavy suitcase everywhere it needed to be hefted. My best friend rocks.

After unpacking and showering off 13 hours worth of flight lint, and lunch with Mark at Newman House, I'm here in the computer room when I really should be at the bank trying to explain that I couldn't possibly have spent £30 in Harts the Grocer in July 2000, not having been in the country at the time (long dismal customer service failure story which I'll spare you). But what the hell, it's a beautiful day, I'm high on lack of sleep and London love, and the best part of the day hasn't even come yet.

City, please release my yuppie scum punctually at five. It's been a bloody long month and a half without him.

posted by Michelle at 2:59 PM

 
(Written 14 August)

Of my many plebian pleasures karaoke must surely rank among the most intense. On Sunday at Kaka's house we bawled happily for hours. While his collection obviously couldn't match a proper karaoke lounge's for sheer quantity, I was happy enough with Downtown, a Sounds Of Silence duet with Shoop and a couple of lines of Yellow Bird attempting a really dodgy Carribbean accent.

Then we switched to Chinese and the fun really started. The list of Chinese songs I can claim even vague familiarity with is miniscule. In fact, the list of Chinese words I can claim vague familiarity with is almost as miniscule, and the fact that they use fan2 ti3 zi4 (old-style written Chinese, a million times more complicated) for karaoke lyrics doesn't help either. But I let none of this stop me.

In secondary school there was a Chinese inter-class singing competition, and I got involved in my class item because the chosen song featured a violin interlude, which I was to be playing. In the process I got to know the song fairly well, and till today it retains its sentimental value for me (we won the competition). So I was ecstatic when Shoop found Zhi Ji on one of the laser discs, and we decided we'd sing it. My aforementioned difficulties with the Chinese language meant that most of my participation in the singing ended up like "xi huan ni de ren, drrrrmrmmrrrrrrraaargh CHENG KEN! hrrrrwrrruang de xiao RONG, mmmmmmrrrrrrgnnnnnnn EN!"

That was the song I knew best. Later we found Min Tian Wo Yao Jia Gai Ni Le (I'll Be Marrying You Tomorrow), where my knowledge of the song ended at the very words Min Tian Wo Yao Jia Gai Ni Le, so I sang that line extra loudly to make up for my other inadequacies.

I love Chinese karaoke.

[Related question: Can anyone in the know tell me who sang Zhi Ji? I think it's from the early 90s. I'm obviously hard-pressed to give any complete lyrical lines, but I think one, at the end of the chorus, is "dang wo yong you ni, wo de xin zai ye bu xia xue."]

[Off the top of my head, here's The Complete List of Chinese Songs Michelle Kind Of Knows, translated to the best of my abilities (in addition to those mentioned above):

  • Wo Shi Nian Qing De Wei Guo Jun (I Am A Young Soldier-Protector Of Our Nation!)
  • Jin Ye Ni Hui Bu Hui Lai? (Tonight Will You Come Or Not Come?)
  • Shi Shang Zhi You Ma Ma Hao (In The World There Is None So Good As Mummy)
  • Ai Xiang Shui (???)
  • Ai Bu Pa (???)
  • Nan Ren Bu Gai Rang Nu Ren Liu Lei (Men Shouldn't Make Women Cry)
  • Something I can't remember the Chinese name of, but I think it was called Cupid Love in English
  • Probably one or two Teresa Teng classics
That's pretty much it.]

posted by Michelle at 2:37 PM

 
(Written 14 August)

Amsterdam was the third stop in my summer self-administered crash course in Ian McEwan. I'd decided long ago that he was one of the Famous Authors I Really Should Read But Haven't, and since the Marine Parade Library has all his books except Atonement, I thought it was as good a time as any to start.

I think most of the impressions I formed of his writing in the first two books I read (Enduring Love and The Child In Time) are borne out quite clearly in Amsterdam. His plots are consistently compelling - I never have difficulty focusing on the read, whereas with, say, Kavalier & Clay (my other most recent read) I often had to consciously commit myself to finishing a chapter. There, it was sometimes hard to figure out the point of what I'd just read, if any, and whether it was going anywhere worth going. A question I often ask myself is why the author's decided to leave something in, what exact contribution it's made which enabled it to survive the brutal editorial process.

I don't have any problems answering these questions with Ian McEwan books, especially Amsterdam. On the contrary, he sometimes seems a little heavy-handed with his Messages; in Amsterdam he repeatedly follows a certain pattern in setting up his morality points: i) man is aware of another person's misfortune or distress, ii) man briefly considers this, perhaps even experiences a small surge of caring, although it's probably more accurate to say he's briefly aware that he should care but doesn't necessarily actually feel anything, iii) self-absorption takes over and man is caught up in his own needs and interests, iv) man chooses to serve his own interests and rationalizes this to himself without much effort.

There is also almost a fixation with making his characters authors or musicians, but since I like the way he writes about both art forms, this is an observation rather than a criticism.

While I think he's more pointed than he needs to be sometimes, what really makes the reading worthwhile is the quality of the prose. It's clean, hardly ever more complex than it needs to be, and effectively conveys an insight that feels very real to me. In the opening chapters of Enduring Love he writes about love the way I feel it. The teetering balance between his characters' self-immersion and their connections with other people seemed spot-on in Enduring Love and The Child In Time, but Clive and Vernon seemed exaggeratedly narcissistic in Amsterdam. Then again, it may also be because the former two books both dealt with this in the context of the breakdown and reconstruction of romantic relationships, while Amsterdam deals with it in terms of how the characters deal with certain issues of principle. I suppose the point is that I'm more capable of a personal response to his writing about relationships (though I have little experience thus far of the foundering of a happy relationship), whereas Amsterdam's choices aren't choices I've ever had to directly confront.

Anyways. The reading's been worthwhile so far, and I'm definitely starting on Atonement when I get back to the UK and can buy it used off Amazon.

posted by Michelle at 2:35 PM

 

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